i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
