Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
