your parents love me but you hate me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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