Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need water and some morals
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
