Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
