My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
