dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
