Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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