She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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