Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
