this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
