Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
