plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
