i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
