clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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