literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize