so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
whose ass print is on the piano?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
