i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
