someone get that fucking seahorse.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
