you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
