I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
