just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
