Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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