Don't make out with my wife yet
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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