just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
