obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
