i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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