last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
