we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
