maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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