dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So. Much. Porn.
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