I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
