Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm at about main and main street
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
