I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
