i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
