The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize