she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
