Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
