I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
