Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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