I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
