He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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