Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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