guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize