hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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