He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize