I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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