Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize