help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
