remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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