____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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