I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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