3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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