my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
