I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize