You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
