tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
