It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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