my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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