I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
