He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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