i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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