Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
