I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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