So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
