dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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