i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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