omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
