We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
