it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
