she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
