If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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