I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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