Pappa wants mamma naked
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
