i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You made out with two different species that night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
