you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
