just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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