i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
