he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
farters have to be the big spoon...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
