Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
