he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
