I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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