she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
