I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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