i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize