White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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