the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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