hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
