I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
