Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
