I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
