Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
