clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
