My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
