i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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