I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
