Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
