it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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