im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
