Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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