I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
