"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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