I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
