she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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