just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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